i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
