Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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