imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
