If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
