Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
