Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
