Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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