Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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