Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
