I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
