I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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