I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
