She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
