Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
