Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
