Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
