My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
