fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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