He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
