Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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