May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
there was a trapeze. enough said
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
