I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
