when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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