mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
