my vag is so smooth its legendary
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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