It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
