He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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