I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
