What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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