So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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