dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish they made helmets for livers.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
