I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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