remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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