i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have feelings that need drinking.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
