mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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