Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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