i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
