Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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