guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i now understand why vodka
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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