Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
