filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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