I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
