dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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