I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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