Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
