I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
