im six kinds of drunk right now
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
