He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
