Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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