Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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