He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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