I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
